Monday, January 25, 2010

Trying to hang in there

Recovering sucks. It takes too long and makes me feel useless. I'm not used to sitting around all day. I'm not used to my body hurting. I don't like not being able to take care of business.

I don't even feel like going out anywhere. My ass is still discharging, which is gross and smelly. My butt stitches hurt and sitting in a chair other than my recliner makes me cringe. I don't like wearing pajama pants out because my regular pants either don't fit because my belly is still swollen or don't work with my ostomy.

It is just one big bummer and I'm going to bitch about it.

I cried several times today because I'm frustrated and tired and feeling crummy. I was running a low grade fever again this afternoon. I took my last dose of cipro tonight, so I don't think it's still the UTI, but we'll find out when I retest in a couple days.

A wise friend of mine told me to quit worrying about tomorrow and just deal with today. That is such good advice, because realistically I don't know what the next day, week, or month will hold. but my mom is leaving in six days and I think I'm still going to need help with the kids, at least for part of the days when Eric is at work. There have been so many offers that deep down I know we'll be fine. I'm just so tired of dealing with all this shit. It makes you weary and irritated and tired.

It's not all wah wah wah around here though. Funny things like my stoma pooping on my foot last night. Or the kids deciding that they live in a musical and singing for an hour this morning. Or Eric saying funny stuff (which he does all the time...good thing my ab stitches are healing nicely!). I totally know everything is going to work out the way it's supposed to, but it's so easy to get mired in the day to day, parked in the recliner, low grade fever, no appetite blues. So easy.

One day at a time. This too shall pass.

I just wish it would pass quickly.

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