I wrote some stuff and it sounded fake, so I hit the old delete button. It happens sometimes (that's what my Eli would say, haha).
Instead of the crappy crap I was going to write about, here I am with a relatively blank blog. I must confess, I feel like I've spent the majority of the last handful of entries complaining. Eric disagreed with me when I mentioned this last night, but maybe he was just being nice. I don't like bitching about stuff, I've always thought it's not a very helpful strategy in any situation. A little complaining is okay to a point, but I feel like I've been hardcore lately.
I will tell you though that recovery from this surgery has been hard. Comparing it to other difficult things I've done, I think it might just be Hard Thing #1. Radiation healing was hard, but by the time I was three weeks out from the end of radiation, I was mostly healed. I've never had major surgery before, but according to people who have had this or similar surgeries, what I'm going through is normal.
Maybe that's the problem. I don't want to be normal. I went through radiation/chemo doing better than the average person. Deep down, I want to rock and roll this, to be amazing, to heal super fast, to get back to life. It's not happening that way, things are slow, and I'm frustrated. I think I need some Serenity Now! Or more vicodin?
I know I need to give myself permission to REST. I need to be okay with asking for help. I need to respect my body's limitations right now.
Every day is a teensy bit better. I can do this.
Well, I'm off to pee in a cup. Positive thoughts that my UTI is gone would be appreicated, although I think it miiiiiiiight be hanging on. If I got some super bug in the hospital, I'm going to be super pissed and someone is going to get a strongly worded letter, man.