Awake

I had a crummy sleeping night last night, at least the second half. Sleeping on my back apparently doesn't agree with me much at all. I tend to sleep fine the first chunk of the night, wake up at about 3:30 or so for pain meds, and after that it's hit or miss. Tonight I tried laying on my right side, but that wasn't a whole lot better. So now I'm back in the recliner with what has become my no fail back hurting remedy: heating pad, ibuprofen, and a little walking/stretching before I sit down. It sucks that on top of everything else, my back is rebelling against my bed.

I'm noticing less hurting from the stitches, that's good news. They still hurt, don't get me wrong, but it's a little less every day. I'm dreading the doctor looking at them because if it's anything like the nurse looking at them...that hurt. I'm weary of hurty things.

While I was laying in bed considering whether or not to get up, I started thinking about my first chemo day. It's going to be a long day. We have to be at the cancer center in the morning for labs, then we'll see the nurse practioner. After that I get hooked up for 3-4 hours. I'll get the chemo bag again, and we'll be on our way to my follow up appointment with the surgeon. I think all that will really wear me out and I hope my stitches don't hurt too much. I'm worried about how I'll react to the chemo. It's more scary stuff in a long line of scary stuff.

I don't even know what to bring to chemo, I suppose I should figure that out.

Is it weird that I'm still in disbelief that this is happening, that it's really happening? It feels like a bad dream.