Eli still asks at least once a day if he can have Un. During the day he's easily distracted, but at bedtime? Forget about it. And it's awful. So as he was falling asleep tonight I was crying quietly and thinking how unfair this is to him, to me, to us as a family.
Sometimes I think about running away. Aside from this not really being a good idea logically, all the places I would want to go are pretty far, so there's a little problem called a passport. Running away wouldn't change things, in fact it would probably make things worse. I know this. But I still consider it.
What, you think there's some kind of life lesson in all this? I don't think I need any life lesson this badly. Or maybe I'm just too sad and mad right now to get anything out of the teaching.
When I was laying next to my baby, feeling sorry for myself, there was a little tiny voice that told me to suck it up. There's a lot of shit ahead, and I can't fall apart now. So I won't. I mean, I'll cry sometimes, and I'll be angry sometimes. But I'm not a quitter.