Monday, September 28, 2009

Do we finally have a starting date?

It sounds that way. Radiation and chemo will be starting on Wednesday morning. Monday through Friday for at least 25 treatments, possibly more if the Fry Doctor decides it's necessary. Chemo via nifty battery operated pump (looking for clever names for said pump, by the way).

I don't know how to feel about this. Relieved that we have a set time every day so I can start gathering friends and family to help watch Reese and Eli. Worried. Scared. Anxious. Angry at all the change. Glad we're moving forward. Thankful that I have so many awesome friends and family around us. Frustrated. Sad to be dealing with this, that others have to deal with it because they know me.

This is all so much. So out of control. I find myself nitpicking about stupid things because hell, I can control how the toys are put away or how the laundry is done. Goodness knows I've had little to no control over anything cancer related. I need to let go, or at least try, and just be okay with not controlling everything. My life before this was planned, scheduled. I dislike things being up in the air, waiting for a phone call. Maybe I'll feel better about it when we have those people in place to help with the kids and I start going for treatments every day. I should probably quit wasting so much mental energy stressing and focus on loving my kick ass husband and my rockin' kids. And my other family and friends. Serenity Now!!!

So yeah. I have a sewing project for today that involved altering an existing pattern to make it bigger. The pieces are all cut out. I also have a half finished jumper for Reese that I'd like to finish. Tomorrow is LLL in Appleton, and I think we might drop in on that.

Isn't it funny how life can screech to a halt, and yet still keep moving? It's such a weird place to be, bizzarre.

1 comment:

  1. "Isn't it funny how life can screech to a halt, and yet still keep moving? It's such a weird place to be, bizzarre."

    Yes. It's insanely bizzarre to watch the rest of the world keep moving and expect you to keep moving when it feels like you can't move yet the world is spinning around you.