I'm Sorry for Cursing - Colon / rectal cancer

I survived my second wound vac dressing change! It was not without discomfort and tears, as much as I promised myself I wouldn't cry and make the nurses feel bad (because they really do seem to feel bad when I start crying). The removal was okay until the nurse had to take out the sponge that is shoved up in the wound hole. Now keep in mind I was on a lot of oxycodone, and it still hurt. The worst part though was reinserting a sponge into the wound hole. I mean it, that hurt. HURT. That was the start of the waterworks, when the nurse was trying to wedge that sponge up in there. It was not worse than the biopsy the surgeon did in his office, but holy hell, it hurt. Did I mention that it hurt?

Things settled down quickly and my pain hasn't been too bad today. I'm sure this is thanks to my good drugs. But it was so nice to be comfortable enough that I wanted to and was able to read some books with Eli. I don't think I would have had the patience or desire to do that two days ago.

Sometimes it feels like my body isn't mine anymore. All the changes since last September, the alien port, ostomy, no more rectum/anus/sigmoid colon, now this wound vac. It's just such a weird thing to think about, that five months ago my life was so different. I'm still getting used to everything. My life still has a dreamlike quality, where sometimes I shake my head and make myself remember that this is reality. There's no waking up because I'm already awake.

I wish I could do a count down on the wound vac changes, but there's no way to know how long it will take to heal.