Five and a half months. That's how long it's been since I found out that I have cancer. I can't believe how much my life has changed, how my body has changed. How did I manage to get through the past bunch of months? A lot of times I don't feel strong enough for this. I'm struggling to stay upbeat and positive, but it's so so hard. I feel like I don't have things to look forward to, fun things. It's hard to go places and do things I'm used to doing. I went to a birthday party yesterday and was exhausted after an hour. It was uncomfortable sitting in a strange chair, I was feeling kind of icky.
I don't know. I'm going through the motions because I have to. I told Eric yesterday that I keep going to the wound dressing appointments because people keep driving me. But what kind of a drag is that to look forward to? It sucks.
I will get to the end of all this shit. The journey is just bringing me down right now, that's all.
Keep going through the motions, as painful and tedious as they are. You are on the right path, and getting better each day. I wish I could make things significantly better for you. Since I can't, I will just think about you and send you good thoughts every day. I will appreciate all the monotonous things I do each day as the privilege that they are. A privilege you will soon be able to more fully experience soon. That is both a promise and a threat.
ReplyDeleteLove, Jehan
I miss the monotonous things I used to do every day so so much. So much.
ReplyDeleteYou know what? It's okay to miss the monotonous stuff. It's okay to not want to be everybody's goddamned hero. IT'S OKAY JUST TO BE YOU, SHERI. I know it's tough (well, actually, I don't know) but man...just be you.
ReplyDeleteUm, that's all I've got.