Wednesday, April 28, 2010


I couldn't sleep last night. Could it be the life water I drank or the chocolate I ate? I think it's my chemo anxiety. Yes, I has it. As I laid in bed last night, I would think of silly things like what to bring for lunch, what books I can give away, what clothes I want to keep. Then I would think about chemo. And what I wanted to get done before chemo. And how long I'm going to be sick this time. And how I'm not going to be able to drink or eat anything cold for days and days. And how it feels to sit in those chairs.

Yes, this was all despite the ambian.

I'd consider taking something for anxiety as well, but man, I'm already taking so freaking many pills. Plus, I'm almost done, right? I should be able to hold it together for a couple more weeks? Right?

I hope so.

Anyway, so tomorrow is Chemo Thursday. Let's think good thoughts for a short day and for not too many sickies. Have I mentioned how much I appreciate your thoughts? I really, really do. I couldn't ever do this alone, and I *will* pay it forward as often as I can in the future.

1 comment:

  1. Hi I was on colon club last night and saw one of your post. I had rectal cancer 7 1/2 years ago and got the ap resection May 03. I wish I had done a diary like you because there are so many feelings I had at the time and I never wrote them down. I was 44 at the time of surgery and my husband too was a great source of strength and help. From day one he always treated my ostomy as if it were a normal part of my body. There are so many things that you wrote that I feel and I thought oh I thought I was the only one that felt that way. I do think you are making amazing progress with your recovery and by summetime you will be feeling pretty much back to normal and enjoying your family. That was my main goal in recovery to get life to a new normal. I do have one question how do you deal with the stool pancaking around the wafer. I have not seen an ostomy nurse for 7 years and I never did figure that one out. I will check your future posts. Good luck, Diane