Sunday, April 11, 2010

Doubts and things

I shouldn't go read on but I still keep doing it. I go there because it's a board full of people who are dealing with similar issues. There's so much information there, so much positivity and support. But there are also stories that are a bit unnerving to me. A stage III who lit up one lymph node on a PET scan after treatment was over. A stage III who developed mets to her liver. Or lungs. So many people are struggling with colorectal cancer. Mothers, fathers, regular people.

And it's scary. *I* am stage III. Although we've been assured by the surgeon that after treatment this will be done and over, holy shit, what if it's not? I don't pay attention to statistics because I'm not really a numbers person. I don't know the percentage of survival of my type of cancer. It's something I choose not to think about often. As of right now, I'm in the category of No Evidence of Disease, until a scan shows otherwise.

So what do you do? Do you live your life in fear of cancer? I'm sure some people do that. I can't do that. I have to be positive about my future, about the future of my children. So I'm choosing to assume the best, that when I have my last chemo treatment in May, that I'm done. That we can move past this, leave it behind, do things we as a family want to do.

Our family made a big announcement a couple weeks ago, big exciting news that we're moving to Memphis. I wish I could express properly how freaking thrilled we are to have this opportunity. I think my mom said it best when she told me she saw a twinkle in my eye that she hasn't seen for a long time. It's time for new things, new places, and new experiences. And it doesn't hurt that the weather will be warmer. :)

Lots of people, friends and family alike, have expressed concern that we're moving too fast, that we're rushing into this, that maybe we should wait. Wait? Well, I guess we could do that. But I think it goes back to either shrinking away waiting for something scary to happen or being bold and living life. If there's one thing I've learned through this whole mess is that nothing in life is absolute. As far as I knew, I was healthy in August. In September, I had cancer. No one could have predicted that. Life does that, it throws things at you that you don't expect. You can be positive about it or negative about it. You can let the worry of bad things happening hold you back, or you can be brave and move forward. Eric, the kids, and I are choosing to be positive, for us there's no other option. For me there's no other option. I'll be honest, I can't handle the stress of negative thinking.

Do I have doubts? Of course. Closing this chapter of my life and going forward is a little scary. Being diagnosed with cancer changed my life in a bad way, but I can choose to proceed in a good way and I'm going to. Fuck you, ass cancer. You don't get to rule my life. I do.


  1. Heard about the move from your parents...I think it sounds exciting. You will be so busy exploring your new city, you won't have time to dwell on cancer stuff. And be ready for visiters, check out hotels for us, a new city for us to visit too. LOve, Patti

  2. I would also like to give ass cancer a big fuck you. That was fun to type! In May you are all done with this crap. Worry about what is in front of you, and that is no longer cancer. It's finding the perfect vegan restaurants in Memphis! There's something to worry about.

  3. lol Jehan!

    You can't live your life in fear of what *may* or *may NOT* happen. It's TOTALLY okay to move on, and be happy moving on. Actually, I think it's truly fantastic and amazing that you're doing so well with all of this, and that you are giving your cancer a big f-you and forgetting about it.

    I'm proud of you, Sheri.


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  5. So "you" are not stage 3, but the cancer "was" stage 3 and then it was removed. Just so you are not spreading misinformation.

  6. I agree with Denelle,

    "It is totally okay to move on, and be happy moving on."

    Now you need to look forward and not back.

    Enjoy every day with your beautiful children and your wonderful husband.

    You all deserve some happiness for a long time.

    I love you and am very excited for you and your family.


  7. I believe that each and everyone of us has a purpose in this life. You are a teacher Sheri, and you have taught many people about Colorectal Cancer by keeping this Blog. I have learned so much from you these past months. You have been through a life changing event! And it is time for you to live life again! Yes, we will miss you when you are in Memphis, but to see the happiness and the twinkle in your eyes when you told us your good news was worth all the past months of tears and fears! We love you and we pray everyday that God will protect you and keep you safe! You and your family! My faith has grown so much stronger over the months. So your life has affected more peoples lives than you know. Your journey with Cancer has given nursing home residents a reason to live also. The residents at my Nuring Home are praying for you. They have a purpose everyday just because of you! So I say live your life with a Purpose! Be the best you can be! Be brave and move on to good and better things! I will be happy to visit from time to time, and talk to you via phone or computer. You need to spread you wings and fly where life takes you! And you have a great family to spend your life with! Love, Mom and Dad