Friday, April 16, 2010

Hey. A super special thanks to Julie for stopping by during chemo yesterday! I totally spaced posting this in my Chemo Thursday blog, but it was just so awesome. I know Eric appreciated the company, and we both appreciate the support. And our thoughts are with you guys so so often, most definitely.

So. Eric told me that I'm pretty and sexy last night and I cried. I think it was not the reaction he was looking for. It's hard to feel attractive after chemo, with a tube coming out of my ass and another coming out of my chest. Add in the constant pajama pants and my thinning hair and the ability to take showers only three times a week, it's just not a sexy combination.

It seems like this is something no one talks about. It's a point at my life when I feel that I could maybe get a pass on making a lot of attempts to look sexy. Luckily I have a kick ass hairstyle that just looks good on its own. It's just hard to think about things that would make me feel sexy when I'm thinking about what I can eat that won't make me feel sick and worrying about who's going to help with the kids. It's just not on my radar very often.

I could change that. I should change that. It's a new season, so it's a good opportunity to get a few new items of clothing that will work with my ostomy. Part of the sage of the pajama pants is the ass wound, but the other part is that all the pants I own just don't have a good waistline for me anymore. Now that my ass wound is starting to be under control, I should try some of the maternity pants that I've been loaned. I think deep down, I worry that they won't work and I'll just feel more crappy about my pants situation. And maybe another issue is that I feel safe in my pajama pants and my awesome hats. It's comforting to wear familier clothes. I don't know. It's kind of silly.

At any rate, everything has a season. This is my I'm Dealing With Cancer so I'm Going to Wear Pajama Pants season. In a few weeks I'm thinking about a new season of skirts and long tank tops and maybe even new sandels. And I'm giving my permission to others to embrace the season they're in. Everything has the capability for change, and when you're ready, make the changes you want to make! That's my life plan.

Enjoy your Friday, friends!

1 comment:

  1. You are too sweet! I was happy to stop by! Well, let me correct that! I was happy to have the chance to visit with you and Eric. Sucks that it was under these circumstances! :( We are thinking about you ALL the time, and it was nice to be able to visit for a while! :) I hope to do it again!

    Only two more to go! You can do it!!!! :) So much to look forward to after putting this piece behind you! I'm SO excited for your family! :)

    Sending strength, prayers, and love your way! ~Julie