Sometimes I find myself really jealous of healthy people. I suspect the average person doesn't give a second thought to how lucky they are to be just doing their normal stuff, going about their day, their body doing what it's supposed to do. I know I didn't think about it, before. Now I want to be healthy so bad, and do the normal things I used to do. I hope people can understand what a huge deal it is to be healthy, and they won't waste it. One day you can be just going about your business, feeling pretty good, and then the next day you get told you have cancer. It happens that fast.
So I'm jealous today. Jealous of anyone who doesn't have a wound vac attached to their ass. Jealous of people running around with their rectums. Jealous of those who don't have to go to chemo and get sick. Jealous of people who don't have to think twice about going out and doing something fun with their kids.
I struggle with this being the "right" mindset. I wrestle with feeling that life is unfair, fight to stay positive. But you know what? It's okay to just be. It's okay to just feel what you feel. It's okay to wonder why and to let the tears flow. It just is sometimes. Today is one of those days that it just is. The good is good and the bad is bad. It just is.
Today I can accept that it just is. I'm making a choice to be comfortable with how I feel. And tomorrow will be a better day.