I went on colonclub the other day to find out what people do about mouth sores (biotene! in case you were wondering). I read that one of the longtime and active members of the message board died. I didn't know her very well, but I remember reading her posts and thinking that she was so helpful and kind. The whole time she was fighting her own battle, but still so willing to give information or encouragement. It just made me really sad.
I don't think about death and dying very often. It's not something brought up by my doctors, who have assured me that what I'm dealing with is curable. But it's scary. This cancer kills people. It's such a sobering thought. People that I've come to know are going to die from colorectal cancer.
Even I'm not truly out of the woods yet. Doctors will be watching my liver because if it's going to come back that's the most likely place. If we find it early, then we deal with it. I choose not to dwell on it because it's something I can't control.
I tell my kids that I'll always come back, from the doctor, from wherever. But that's not entirely true, I suppose. There's always a chance that someething might happen. I struggle with what to say to them sometimes. I don't want to lie, but I don't want them to worry. Right now we have nothing to worry about. They're so little, it's hard.
I don't know. It just plain sucks that mothers and fathers are dying from colorectal cancer and leaving behind families. There is nothing fair about cancer.
If you have some positive thoughts to spare today, maybe send them to the universe for all the people who are struggling with cancer. I know it's a small thing to do, but I think it really makes a difference.