Well, I reached the "last straw" of cancer thoughts and issues and fell apart last night. I thought I had a handle on things, and in some ways I do. One thing on top of another thing and all the upheaval, and I freaked out. As a person who isn't fond of change, this has been beyond hard for me. I feel like I don't have the time I need to adjust, and there isn't a way to get that time. For one thing, I have no idea how long I would need to completely process all this. And I don't know if there's a point where that even happens. I imagine that eventually things will settle down, but even then, I am not going to get MY normal back.
I'm trying to decide what's best for me in this moment. I need to be gentle to myself. I need to give myself permission to be sad. To be angry. To be frustrated. But I also need to find the happiness. The peace. The zen. Those things are doable.
One month from today, I'll be doing the old colon cleanse. Again.
For today? There is a trip to Joann's in my future, as well as some sewing. And perhaps some baking. I have a cookie recipe to veganize. ;)