Saturday, December 5, 2009

Well, I reached the "last straw" of cancer thoughts and issues and fell apart last night. I thought I had a handle on things, and in some ways I do. One thing on top of another thing and all the upheaval, and I freaked out. As a person who isn't fond of change, this has been beyond hard for me. I feel like I don't have the time I need to adjust, and there isn't a way to get that time. For one thing, I have no idea how long I would need to completely process all this. And I don't know if there's a point where that even happens. I imagine that eventually things will settle down, but even then, I am not going to get MY normal back.

I'm trying to decide what's best for me in this moment. I need to be gentle to myself. I need to give myself permission to be sad. To be angry. To be frustrated. But I also need to find the happiness. The peace. The zen. Those things are doable.

One month from today, I'll be doing the old colon cleanse. Again.

For today? There is a trip to Joann's in my future, as well as some sewing. And perhaps some baking. I have a cookie recipe to veganize. ;)


  1. Dearest Sheri,

    I can't even begin to understand all the emotions you are going through. I hope that we can help you find some happiness this Christmas! I am praying for Peace and Happiness for you! And I know that others are doing the same. I wish I could say that I could make it all better, but it isn't for me to do. I can feel your sadness, and I agree you do need to be gentle to yourself. You also need to get your feelings out. And writing as you have I'm sure has helped. I guess one day at a time, trying to find the best in each day may help, or doing something each day to make it count. I love you sooo much and I just want to be there for you and do whatever I can for you!! We are your cheering team! Can't wait to see you at Christmas!! Love Mom

  2. One more giant long distant hug coming your way, Sheri.