I had a chance yesterday to have a cup of tea with a friend who has gone through surgery for rectal cancer. She was so awesomely open to talking about her experience, sharing about her ostomy (and showing off her supplies!), and understanding of what I'm going through. It meant a lot to me, it comforted me. Life is going to go on after all this, which is something I always knew, but it's good to be reminded. It's so easy to get stuck in "my life is over" or even "my life will never be the same."
My life will never be the same. How many times have I thought this? Not just about cancer either. I've been having "my life will never be the same" moments since, well, my whole life! Going to college, meeting Eric, moving to St. Paul, having babies, moving to Appleton...and those are just the really big things. How many hundreds, even thousands, of small events have changed my life and I didn't even realize it until much later (if at all)?
For example, our moving here was a wild ride. There were issues with the buyer for our old house in St. Paul which caused us to be delayed in getting our new house here. Our stuff was in a moving truck, we were staying with Eric's parents. One day, basically on a whim, I decided to pack up Reese and go to a La Leche League meeting. It was something I thought I would seek out after we got settled, I'd been going to LLL in St. Paul since before Reese was born. That day I met a group of amazing women, many of them still friends today.
It's natural to be a little afraid of the big changes (okay, I'll admit to being a LOT afraid). The big changes do have such an impact on our lives. Those sneaky little changes though, change is always happening. And it's okay. And life indeed goes on.
So I'm trying not to be too fearful of how my life will continue to change after surgery. The things that are truly important to me aren't going anywhere. And one of those things, my daughter, is going to start pestering me for breakfast any minute here. :)
I was just thinking about this today. I was sitting in the dining room sewing (and really, where else would I be?? lol) and turned to Henry and told him "you know, our lives are really going to change in a few months". Then I laughed, because I remember saying the exact same thing (sitting in the exact same position!) while I was pregnant with Ezekiel.
ReplyDeleteChange is normal. It's not always fun, but we make it through it. You will make it through this, Sheri.