Tuesday, December 15, 2009

How many days until Christmas??

10. In case you were wondering. That also means that my surgery is in 22 days.

I will admit, I had a little bit of a freak out just now (in my mind). Looking around the house, there is so much that needs to be done. Decluttering, reorganizing toys, cleaning really good...and not just for Reese's birthday party coming up, but just so it's DONE. With a bunch of help from my kick ass husband, I was able to have a nice, neat house when I started radiation. I really think that made it easier when I couldn't keep up with things anymore. We didn't have to worry about big cleaning projects because they were done, and it took a few weeks for the kids to de-organize the toys. Haha.

I don't think I've ever felt such a need to simplify. Cancer (and I suppose any life changing event) is so complex and takes over everything, and to combat that, I start throwing junk away. I start deciding what we really need and what we can donate or give away. Perhaps I ought to turn that energy loose on my fabric?

I hate to say it, but I think I'll feel better when we get the Christmas stuff put away again. Tree, you are nice but damn, your needles are constantly on the floor. Little Christmas Decorations, you are also nice, but you add to the clutter and make me feel anxious. I don't want to be uptight about stuff like that. The kids love the tree and all the decorations.

Rationally, I realize that 22 days is a long time. And it's not as if we won't have help after my surgery. It's not as if Eric doesn't pick up the slack and much more. Maybe it's a control thing for me. Since I have little to no control over my body anymore, I'm grasping at things I *can* control, like my messy house.

Sigh. It's time to do some yoga. Serenity Now!!

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