Can I just tell you how amazing it feels to take a shower without tubes, and get out and NOT have to immediately put aloe on my ass?? No fighting with the tube while I'm getting ready. The biggest thing I have to worry about is finding pants that fit. Kick ass!
If I didn't know there was a tumor in my rectum, I'd think there was nothing wrong with me. It hits me at odd times. All of a sudden I remember. I have cancer. I did radiation and chemo. There will be a major surgery soon. I'm going to have more shitty chemo. Usually I start thinking when I'm alone, like last night in the bath tub. Or when I wake up in the middle of the night. It's just so bizzare to think that this is my life right now. This is what I'm doing. I wonder when one gets used to this new life? When does it stop shocking you when you think, "Oh that's right, I have cancer."? It's a lot easier to ignore now that I'm not dragging myself to the cancer center every day.
I don't know. Maybe it's always shocking. Maybe you don't get used to it.
Lucky for me most of my day is spent being busy, doing such things as sewing and chasing kids away from the Christmas tree. It's easier not to think sometimes.