In an effort to get more prepared for what's coming ahead, I've been doing some reading. I found some information and personal stories about the chemo I'll be on after the surgery. It's good information, and I'm glad to know it's out there, but I need to stop reading it. I'm freaking myself out. I *just* got done feeling sick, not being able to eat, dealing with the exhaustion. Thinking about doing a repeat of that, and maybe being worse off? Not all that fun. And keeping in mind that I was able to tolerate the radiation and 5FU better than the doctors expected, well, let's just stay positive.
I feel like I need to cram as much stuff into the next bunch of weeks as I possibly can. Seeing friends, getting some sewing done (yes, I feel like sewing!! I bought a new pattern too. Yay!), going out to the groups we frequent, cooking...in the back of my mind I keep thinking that I better do it now because 16 weeks of chemo might very well kick me in the ass. With the already hurried pace of the holiday season, this might not end well. I know I need to slow down, and yet I have a mental to do list a mile long. Good thing chemo brain keeps causing me to forget what exactly is on that list!
It's going to be okay. My way of dealing with things is to make plans and get prepared. If I can balance that with getting zen about NOT knowing what might happen, I'll be golden. Perhaps I should re-take up yoga?
For today, a trip to the bookstore is in order, and definitely some sewing. And I think that makes for an excellent day.
YES, take up Yoga again!! Yes, chill on the reading. And if you need a ostomy. . . .designer bags to sew in your future. Even if you don't need one, you could bring bags to a whole new level with your talents. Here is to miracles. Your miracle of a small tumor. I will add it to my wish list. Auntie Barb
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