I was complaining to Eric last night that the Tuesday before Big Chemo just doesn't have enough hours for me to get everything done that I want done. You know, before I'm sick. Yesterday was a busy day, much cleaning and cooking. I can't relax on the day before Big Chemo anyway, so it's good there was so much to do.
I don't know what I'm worried about. Shouldn't this be no big deal by now? I know I'm going to go in and it's going to take a long time. As the time goes by, I'll gradually start feeling more and more crappy. Thursday and Friday will kind of suck. Saturday and Sunday will kind of suck a bit more. Then by Monday, I'll feel better. That's how it goes every time. There's no reason to think it will be different. But I don't know how to not be anxious about it. I don't know how not to wake up in the night thinking about things. I don't know if this will ever be better.
Maybe it's because I hate so much that it interrupts my life. I can't do things I want to do or that I normally do. I get tired so easily. I just don't feel like myself. Honest, I'm trying not to be a big baby about it. I wish I could feel more at peace about Big Chemo.
Ah well. It will be okay. Hopefully my doc won't notice that I'm probably more tan than I was the last time I saw him.
Positive thoughts and prayers for an uneventful Big Chemo today are appreciated.