Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Check out my new hat, man. I sewed that. Pretty cool, huh?
I have not been sleeping well. I have next to no appetite. I'm short with the kids. It's very tempting to lay in bed reading all day. This all sounds really familier, but I didn't really realize it until last night. I think I have scanxiety on top of chemo anxiety. No matter how often I tell myself the scan is no big deal, we'll take the information and go from there, hopefully it's positive because I'm pretty good at chemo...it is still really freaking me out. I'm surprised I didn't put my finger on it until last night.
There's been a lot going on though. We're busy with Reese and Eric's tae kwon do. Our homeschool group wound down for the year, and I've been contemplating taking the summer off completely or just continuing to school 2-3 days a week (not that our lives aren't full of "school"...but we do have a math book to finish). There's a trip to the beach coming up in a month. And getting through chemo takes a lot of my energy too.
I wish I could quit worrying. That's what I said to Eric last night, "I wish I could stop worrying." What am I worried about? That the chemo isn't working? Am I afraid of changing up what has become the routine chemo for me? As much as I dread Wednesdays, it's a schedule and it's pretty predictable. I don't like change, you know.
I don't know. Maybe scans for me are just bad news, and I would love some good news for a change. Have I ever had a good scan?
Oh well. Today will be a busy day. I have some sewing to finish up, a house to clean, and children to try very hard to be patient with. The To Do list is long, but it makes me feel better to get things done. The chemo sick weekend is still hard for me, even after so long.
I have a run to do, y'all. Have a great Tuesday!!