Sunday, March 6, 2011
One of the things I did over the past week was getting my hair cut. I'll admit, it's kind of a control thing. There aren't very many aspects of my life that I feel I can control. My hair? Chopped!
This morning I busted ass in the kitchen, cooking beans, cleaning the pantry, cleaning out the freezer, making sure the fam has stuff to eat for the next week or so. I think I will still make a list of easy, fast meals with references to cookbooks. I even broke down and bought the kids some chicken fingers because it's such an easy meal. I feel much better knowing that the kitchen is almost all the way nested.
So I was at the grocery store yesterday, and when I got up to the checker, she looked at me and asked, "What happened to you!?" For a second I was confused, but then I remembered that my new port site looks pretty bad still. I explained that it's a chemo port and I just had it put in. Then she told me that she had a cancerous brain tumor a few years ago. She informed me that the best thing to do is keep a positive attitude. I mentioned that positivity really helped me out THE FIRST TIME I went through this. Her eyes got big, and she didn't have a lot to say after that. We didn't even talk about what kind of cancer I had. Then after I paid, I said, "I'm glad you got better." She said, "I hope you get better too."
Yeah, me too, Brain Tumor Checker, me too.
I think I am positive, most of the time. It was harder though, maybe over the past month. Sometimes I'm just so angry that this is happening, that my family is so affected by this. I get angry because I have wishes and dreams and things that I want to do.
Ah well. Living in the now is what I am trying hard to do. And right now, it's cancer ass kicking time!