Oh hai!!!

One of the things I did over the past week was getting my hair cut.  I'll admit, it's kind of a control thing.  There aren't very many aspects of my life that I feel I can control.  My hair?  Chopped!

This morning I busted ass in the kitchen, cooking beans, cleaning the pantry, cleaning out the freezer, making sure the fam has stuff to eat for the next week or so.  I think I will still make a list of easy, fast meals with references to cookbooks.  I even broke down and bought the kids some chicken fingers because it's such an easy meal.  I feel much better knowing that the kitchen is almost all the way nested.

So I was at the grocery store yesterday, and when I got up to the checker, she looked at me and asked, "What happened to you!?"  For a second I was confused, but then I remembered that my new port site looks pretty bad still.  I explained that it's a chemo port and I just had it put in.  Then she told me that she had a cancerous brain tumor a few years ago.  She informed me that the best thing to do is keep a positive attitude.  I mentioned that positivity really helped me out THE FIRST TIME I went through this.  Her eyes got big, and she didn't have a lot to say after that.  We didn't even talk about what kind of cancer I had.  Then after I paid, I said, "I'm glad you got better."  She said, "I hope you get better too."

Yeah, me too, Brain Tumor Checker, me too.

I think I am positive, most of the time.  It was harder though, maybe over the past month.  Sometimes I'm just so angry that this is happening, that my family is so affected by this.  I get angry because I have wishes and dreams and things that I want to do.

Ah well.  Living in the now is what I am trying hard to do.  And right now, it's cancer ass kicking time!