Thursday, March 24, 2011

I freaked out last night

I really did.  If you're squeamish, maybe skip this post.  Heh.

So my ass wound is still hanging around.  It's definitely smaller, according to Dr. Eric, but it's taking its sweet time to heal.  Mostly, I'm okay with that.  We're down to packing it once a day, it doesn't generally interfere with my life.  Sometimes I even forget it's there.

And that's where the problem began.  I forgot about the dressing, and it almost got lost in there.  Eric did a lot of digging around to find it, and because he is awesome, he did.  I won't lie, it hurt a little.  And I cried.

But the little bit of pain wasn't the reason I was crying.

Having Eric even need to dig a gauze out of my butt was a gigantor reminder that I am not normal, I don't have a normal life, and I never will again.  Not normal the way I remember normal being, anyway.  Most of the time, I'm okay with that.  I'm comfortable with my body, I feel fine about my ostomy, I'd rather not have an ass wound, but hey, it's okay too.  Last night though, it was like it all came crashing down and I remembered that what I had as normal isn't anymore. 

I cried for a long time, and I hope it got it all out.  Sometimes I am just angry at the world and feel it's so unfair that I have to deal with this shit.  Sometimes I feel sad that my family has to deal with it too.  I miss things about the old normal.

However, it doesn't do much good to sit around feeling sad about things I can't have.  So I try really hard not to do that.  I'm going to do the best I can with what I have, keep myself as healthy as possible, exercise, and love my friends and family.

And yes, MOMS, I took a vitamin this morning and I put protein powder in my smoothie.  I'm going to do it every day.  Promise.

Someday soon, I'll probably laugh about Eric having to dig around in the cave of my ass wound for a missing gauze.  It is kind of funny.

Hug your family today.  Tell them you love them.  I know I will.


  1. Thank you for the reminder to live in the moment and love on my family. I needed to hear that today. You are positively impacting so many lives in sharing this blog with us. Thank you for being such an awesome lady :)

  2. I love you Sheri!! You are such a strong person woman!! Its un-freakin believable.

    I loved reading your blog because your life is such an inspiration to the rest of us all. I strive and live my life everyday trying not to bitch about this and bitch about that. Your Blog and your words help me get a little closer to reaching my goal. It makes me sit back and think about what I have and about how life isn't really that bad and that money is an imaginative thing created by men that wont follow any of us after we are dead.

    -your cuz Ben :)

  3. You are such a strong woman!!! ****

  4. And Julie said...Thank you for taking your vitamin and protein. We love you so much!!! And you are impacting many peoples lives with your blog. I am crying with you, about a normal life, but I am also thankful for your life!!!! I will keep praying and try to be positive, some days it is really hard. Love Mom and Dad

  5. Hi Sheri, Being a Mom with a daughter who had cancer is so hard. Because as a Mom we want to try and help, fix things, take the hurt and pain away and we can't do much. We feel helpless at times. I remember Jaz going through a year of chemo, surgeries, ivs, blood draws, pills, her hair falling out... being so sick she couldnt hardly move. I wish she would of wrote things down on what she was going through and me to but at the time we were both in such pain, emotionally and with her both emotional and physical it was crazy. There are some things that kind of got swept away with time. Its good that you are writing and sharing your story. It has helped and will continue to help others! Thanks for having the courage and strength to share your story and I know that you are so strong that you will kick Cancer in the Ass ! I love You and God bless you and your family !