I really did. If you're squeamish, maybe skip this post. Heh.
So my ass wound is still hanging around. It's definitely smaller, according to Dr. Eric, but it's taking its sweet time to heal. Mostly, I'm okay with that. We're down to packing it once a day, it doesn't generally interfere with my life. Sometimes I even forget it's there.
And that's where the problem began. I forgot about the dressing, and it almost got lost in there. Eric did a lot of digging around to find it, and because he is awesome, he did. I won't lie, it hurt a little. And I cried.
But the little bit of pain wasn't the reason I was crying.
Having Eric even need to dig a gauze out of my butt was a gigantor reminder that I am not normal, I don't have a normal life, and I never will again. Not normal the way I remember normal being, anyway. Most of the time, I'm okay with that. I'm comfortable with my body, I feel fine about my ostomy, I'd rather not have an ass wound, but hey, it's okay too. Last night though, it was like it all came crashing down and I remembered that what I had as normal isn't anymore.
I cried for a long time, and I hope it got it all out. Sometimes I am just angry at the world and feel it's so unfair that I have to deal with this shit. Sometimes I feel sad that my family has to deal with it too. I miss things about the old normal.
However, it doesn't do much good to sit around feeling sad about things I can't have. So I try really hard not to do that. I'm going to do the best I can with what I have, keep myself as healthy as possible, exercise, and love my friends and family.
And yes, MOMS, I took a vitamin this morning and I put protein powder in my smoothie. I'm going to do it every day. Promise.
Someday soon, I'll probably laugh about Eric having to dig around in the cave of my ass wound for a missing gauze. It is kind of funny.
Hug your family today. Tell them you love them. I know I will.