Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Ten thoughts in my head

Want a peek inside my head? Your wish is my command.

1. It irritates me that vacuuming tires me out so much. Seriously. I could probably go take a nap now.

2. Going to the wound care nurses is a lot more fun all drugged up. I suppose the upside to being oxy free is driving myself. I do like to drive.

3. My wound, speaking of, is doing fine. The nurse suggested that we try to change it three times a day instead of two if we can. She explained that the cells needed for healing like being wet but if they get too wet they drown. I don't want drowning cells in my ass, that just doesn't sound like a good situation. So we'll see what we can do. She said even doing it just on the weekends would help.

4. I was really rocking my NOT pajama pants today, and a couple of my new shirts (layering, people, it's all about layering).

5. I thought I would feel good enough today to maybe do some sewing while the kids were off having a great time with Uncle Mike, but I really didn't. So I rested, caught up on House MD, and ate a big salad. There's always tomorrow.

6. It's still weird that chemo is over. Perhaps it was because I was sick over the weekend, but it was all very anticlimatic. Overall, I think that's okay. I suspect some would like to make a big deal, but I don't really. I won't turn down a celebratory drink, but I have a hard time getting all happy when there are others still fighting. Congratulations and hugs, however, would be just fine with me.

7. I am really thankful for my husband and my children. I'm thankful that I can slowly be their wife and mother again. I'm thankful that the focus will be off me and onto something else, like us living our lives and having adventures. I'm thankful that we get to have adventures together.

8. I am freaking hungry and want to eat everything. That's good right? Vegan food blogs torment me and yet I still keep looking at them and snatching recipes. After not enjoying food and eating for so long, I'm looking forward to cooking more often.

9. Lately I have a hard time getting stressed out about the little things. It's probably the prozac. And I think that's okay.

10. As much as I want to be back to normal, I'm being gentle with myself. I'm letting myself rest when I'm tired, eat when I'm hungry, laugh when things are funny, and cry when I need to. Perhaps self care, which often is overlooked by us busy women, is one of the biggest lessons in this shitty situation. There's nothing like cancer to force one to slow down and heal. I hope people don't think I'm a slacker, and I'm really making an effort NOT to extend myself too much.

There you go. Of course there's always more, but we'll save that for another day.

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