Chemo is booooooooooooo. Chemo Sunday makes me want to cry, but it hurts to cry so I'm trying not to do that. Yes, that's right, it physically hurts to cry. How's that for sucky? I wasn't overly surprised because I've read about others experiencing it. That does not make it fun. Sometimes I just feel like crying on Chemo Sunday, all right?
Actually, I'm feeling slightly better than I did this morning. The day has included eating food Eric puts in front of me and taking a nap in my bed. Now I'm counting the hours until bedtime so I can go lay in my bed some more.
Another annoying thing: my body cannot pick a temperature. I'm either shivering or way too hot. When I get hot, I get sweaty and therefore my ass wound stinks. Boooooooooo.
This is all going to be over soon. Many people remind me of this (thank you, people). What invariably is said right after the "It's almost over!" is "You'll be able to forget this ever happened!"
Wait a minute. Wait just a minute. I busted ass to get through radiation, chemo, surgery, more stupid chemo, an ASS WOUND that won't heal...and it's all just going to be forgotten? I don't want to dwell on it, of course, but to just dismiss it as if nothing happened? What the hell did I do all this fighting for if we're just going to sweep it under the rug? People assume I want to just leave it all behind. I don't. I want to remember how hard it was to get through this. I want to remember all the people who helped me, who said kind words, who thoughts good thoughts, who prayed. I want to share this story to hopefully help others. I want to give something back to the universe because I WAS able to fight.
There will be more about this someday. Right now I'm needed by my little guy. :)