I don't go about announcing the fact that I have cancer when I meet new people. First of all, I don't want people to pity me right from the get go. Secondly, I don't like the limitations that sometimes go with a cancer diagnosis in people's minds, which then sometimes translate to our interactions. So unless someone pretty directly asks, I just pretend I don't have cancer. Good for me, good for them, right?
However, if someone does ask, I won't lie. Last night, I was volunteering at church for Vacation Bible School. I've been reminding the people in charge that I won't be there tonight, and last night one of the other volunteers, in casual conversation, "So do you have to work Thursday night?"
Ugh, here we go.
"Actually, I'm going to be at Baylor getting chemo tomorrow," me, trying to sound casual too.
Shocked face, "What? You have cancer? But you look really good! You have all your hair!"
It's good to know I don't look like crap, huh, guys? The typical questions start, what kind do you have, how long have you been getting chemo, etc. And I don't know if it's the shock or what, but almost immediately the other volunteers aren't talking to me, and really aren't talking at all, in the same way they were. They encouraged me to go Friday night (I'm not sure I'll feel up to it) to just hang out, which is nice.
Maybe there's a reason this particular group of people needed to hear about my cancer. At any rate, they heard about it. I've changed their perceptions of people with cancer, that's for sure. I suppose it's my fault for praying that God will use me in ways that will glorify Him. Maybe that's what is happening and I just don't see it. I don't know. I just want to do the right thing, you know?
Chemo day today. Big surprise, but I wish I could run away. Pray for me.
I always found there was no perfect way to tell people you have cancer just like there's no perfect reaction to what you've just told them. Most of the time people are kind and a bit curious. Sometimes I came across complete idiots who wanted to tell me the most horrendous cancer stories they've ever heard. At that point I would tell them I don't want to hear it. If you can't tell me something positive then just keep your story to yourself because it's not worth me getting upset about. Hopefully you come across a lot more kind people than idiots. :) Then again you could just tell them you have plans when they ask why you can't make it.
ReplyDeleteSheri, I believe that you are glorifying God with your life in ways you do not realize. I have said it before, your blog has opened many an eye to what a person with cancer goes through. I am still very emotional when I think of you having cancer. I wish I could take it all away! I cry when I read your blog, but it seems to cleanse my soul! You have brought me so close to God, you have no idea. How many other people have changed their lives because of what you write. Your journey has inspired many people, even the people I work with, staff and residents. I thank God for you everyday!! I pray for you and your family everyday! God has given you the strength to do what you do, Chemo! He gives you the strength to live life no matter the circumstances! Don't you ever doubt that you are an inspiration for many others. Your story makes a big differene in so many lives!!! I love you!!! Love, Mom
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