I promised myself I wasn't going to cry...

but I did anyway.

I've been doing this chemo thing for a while now.  You'd think I'd be able to not get all stressed out and anxious.  Yeah, no.  I still do. 

I don't know how to NOT feel the way I do on the Tuesday before Big Chemo.  We were even crazy busy yesterday.  The kids and I went to La Leche League, then shared some vegan cherry cheezecake at the awesome vegetarian store.  We went to storytime at the front office.  I made a pasta cauliflower sauce hotdish for dinner.  But I still got upset, I still cried to Eric.

I know the chemo is working, shouldn't it be easier to go?  It's so not.  And it's very predictable.  We have the meds down, I'm not throwing up or anything.  I probably have a much easier time with chemo than many people.  They why do I feel like running away today?  It's a good thing we don't have two cars this morning.

I'm at a loss.  Maybe this feeling is just something I have to get used to.  Maybe it just won't go away.  It's very hard to go do something that puts me on my ass for the better part of five days.

Here's hoping today is uneventful (and that I get a better chair!).