I'm Sorry for Cursing - Colon / rectal cancer

I woke up this morning very sure I was going to ditch Regorafenib.  Since I have the poison pills in my bag, I guess it didn't work out that way.  Here's what did happen.

Eric went to UT along with me this morning.  At the registration desk, I found out that my appointment was at 9:15am, not 8am.  (The research coordinator promised me the same times on Monday, but whatever).  I decided to get my labs done and then go to the doc to see if I could get in to see him a little earlier.

Labs were fine.  As usual.

Up at the doctor's office, he wasn't even in yet, as it's not his usual clinic day.  He wandered in to get coffee a little while later, then told us it's very busy today.  So no early appt. 

While all this is going on, my legs were hurting.  I was tired.  It was not fun.

We got called back by that pain nurse, who talked to me about my leg pain.  She was much less hyper today.

The doctor finally showed up, and wanted to hear all about my neuropathy.  Then he asked me why I thought it was neuropathy.  It was probably about that point when I started crying.  The doc calmly explained that regorafenib doesn't cause neuropathy.  He suggested that the neuropathy in my legs could be from the FOLFOX I'd done previously.

What?  I didn't get it either.  Eric and I were talking a bit later and I remembered that while I was on that break to go to Cambodia, my feet started getting numb and tingly.  The time frame for that incident and my leg pain now is about the same.  So it is possible.

The doc also said it could be a tumor pressing on a nerve, so he wants to have an MRI done.

And?  My cough is just about gone, which the doc took as a good sign that the regorafenib is having a positive effect.

Eric and I couldn't argue with the doc's reasoning, so I'm back on the pills starting Wednesday.

I have mixed feelings about this.  The doc did give me a stronger pain med, and he does want to find the source of the leg neuropathy, but he's also confident that it's not the chemo I'm on now.  I just don't want to feel the way I do.  I don't want to have to grab on to things to steady myself or fall in the UT lobby because Whoops!  My leg just gave out!  I want to help around the house and go for a walk with the kids.  All this is very frustrating for me.  I don't want to be sick.

The doc even noticed that my mood is different (and doubled my prozac).  He's right.  I've been struggling for a couple weeks now.  I trust God and I know He has plans for me to prosper, and that my time isn't His time.  I'm just having a hard time with it all right now.   Please pray for me.