There are so many different kinds of tears. I have cried happy tears and sad tears and frustrated tears and angry tears in my life. Last night my tears were angry. Angry because of the unfairness of everything. Angry at the injustice of the world.
I realize that life isn't fair. Lots of times bad things happen for seemingly no reason. I feel that I have quite a handle on what fairness means, and that fair for one person doesn't equal fair for another. I get it. At least I think I do.
I also get that it's okay to mourn change, that it's okay to feel sad that some things in my life are never ever going to be the way they were. Some of those changes don't bother me. Some of those changes are frustrating and irritating and lead me to angry tears.
I don't want to get stuck in the longing to have things returned to the way they were. I really don't. I'm working hard to continue to change the things I can and to accept the things I can't change. But I think once in a while, it's okay to just cry and mourn and be angry.
Stupid cancer. I miss the days before it was on my radar. I miss the days before it affected my family. I miss the days before it made me cry. Stupid stupid cancer.