I wish there was some way to just dump my brains out, sift through the junk, and get it all back in zen mode. My thoughts are going in so many different directions with no signs of stopping.
We're going to see my local oncologist today, who will be referred to as CO (colombus oncologist). Hopefully after that we'll have some kind of timeline to get this shit moving. As much as I don't want to do chemo again, I'm growing weary of limboland.
I keep thinking about all the things I need to do before chemo. Trying to remember what worked last time in the way of caring for the kids, what meals were easiest, what breakfasts they could get for themselves. Thinking about what I want to take with me to treatment, wondering if I'll have internet access. Hoping that I'll be able to sew because Reese still needs some summer clothes. Wishing that Eric didn't have to go through this again.
See what I mean? I'm trying to deal with the here and now because there are things that need to be done today, but also trying to plan for the days ahead.
I can't help but wonder why sometimes. Why me, why my family? What am I supposed to be doing with this experience? I'm not sure I'll get answers to those questions. Frustrating.
Time to start the day. There are chores to be done, children to school, and it's a sunny day here in GA. :) It's hard to be too sad about anything with so much sunshine!