Awwwwww

I think I made the wound care doctor sad.  Clean and quiet, that's my goal for my butt wound.  Clean and quiet.  I know the wound doc wants it to heal.  That is his job, after all, helping wounds heal.  Maybe it's weird for him to get a patient who isn't looking for healing, just clean and quiet.

Anyway, the wound looks good, it's clean (haha).  I finally got the doc to agree that the iodoform isn't hurting anything and if that's what works, then I'm okay using it.  He still wants to see me in four weeks, which I guess is fine.  It's right before our trip, and it might be a good idea to have someone take a look see before we leave. 

Other than that, there's not a lot else going on around here.  I get tired if I try to do too much, but as long as I move a bit more slowly than normal the recovery from chemo isn't too terrible.  The weather is great here today, 66 and cloudy, so maybe a run will happen?  We shall see.  I've been slacking on the running.  It's hard to motivate myself if the temp is chilly. 

:)

Oh Monday.

I wanted to update and let everyone know that I'm much better.  What a crummy weekend though.  Is it possible that the anti-nausea plan is starting to fail?  Maybe it was a fluke? 

I am so thankful that Eric always takes such good care of all of us. 

So much like other chemo Mondays, I'll be playing catch up with a variety of things, including the state of the house and homeschooling and such. 

Wound care on Tuesday, and we all know what an adventure that always is.  Hah.

Blech

I don't like to complain too much.  There are people out in this world that are way worse off than I am.  But man, today I just feel ick.  My fingers tingle in a hurty way when they get too cold.  The 5-fu ramps up hot flashes, so I'm either too hot or too cold.  I can smell the chemo. 

By this time tomorrow I'll be pump free.  I just have to make it until then.  Sigh.

Tumors are still stable!!!!  Isn't it awesome how the good news is continuing?  I hope God didn't mind that I was praising him while crying tears of joy in the bathroom...

The rest of the day:

My blood work was great, but my blood pressure was up.  It's not at a super dangerous level, but it's higher than the doc would like.  I'm supposed to check it a couple times before I see him again.  If it remains high on average, he'd like me to go on some sort of high blood pressure medication.  We'll see.  I will admit to quite a bit of anxiety on chemo days.  It's honestly a real battle for me to give my trust to the One who knows the plan and quit worrying.  I fail at this often.  Please pray for me to give it to God.

While I was in the chemo chair, a social worker came to chat.  I pretty much took the next step to talk to a psychologist.  I'm really torn about this, but I'm starting to think that it won't hurt to talk to someone one time, especially if it can be scheduled on the same day I'm already at the cancer center.  I'm not sure what I would even talk about. 

I had another visitor too, one of the nutrition counselors.  She heard I was taking a trip to Cambodia and had some recommendations about what to eat and what not to eat.  I'm supposed to eat at hotels or established restaurants with lots of people.  Don't drink tap water.  No raw fruit from the roadside.  No undercooked food.  I suggested that looking for a food stall with lots of people around might be okay, and she looked a little horrified.  I get that she is coming from a place of concern.  I know I need to be careful.  But Nutrition Counselor, I'm not flying all the way to Cambodia to eat at the hotel and fast food restaurants.  No thanks.  One of my reasons for wanting to go is the food.  Curries and noodle soups and FRESH FRUIT THAT IS IN SEASON.  Durian, man, durian.

I'm not a very good patient, I suppose.  I do what I want. 

Not much else happened.  I watched South Park and took a bit of a nap.  Before I knew it, the nurse was hooking up my pump and Eric and the kids burst through the door to take me home.  And another chemo is over. 

CT Scan

No results yet, that will be tomorrow.

So it's been raining like a banshee here in Dallas.  I think someone on the news said it rained for 16 hours straight.  This morning, everyone was very "Oh noes!" about flooding.  One of the roads I take to the cancer center is right next to the White Rock Lake spillway.  The water was rough there when I drove by, the dock on that side of the lake was level with the water, the water was lapping close to the running/biking path.

It kind of made me think about life.  Sometimes it rains and the waters rise and splash and rage, and then things calm down.  And I thought of Psalm 30:5 which says, "For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."  Joy comes in the morning, y'all. 

No matter what, I think I have a lot to be joyous about every single day.  Some days it's hard to find the joy, but it's still there.

Anyhoo, the scan went fine.  I got right in, not really any waiting around.  The tech told me to drink a lot of water and I decided coffee could count and stopped at the little Starbucks (where I guess I stop often because the lady there knows that I like soymilk in my coffee).  This afternoon will be school work for the children, Reese has art class, and I need to figure out dinner.  More after CT results and chemo Thursday!

Yes, it's true

Our family is going to Cambodia!

What with my chemo-ridden mind, I guess I thought we told peole this.  We didn't?  Well, I'm telling you now, in March we are going to Cambodia!

Why, you ask?  Well.  About ten years ago, I was at a drive in movie with Eric (and I think his youngest sister, and probably the dog too, in the back of a pick up truck) and we watched Tomb Raider.  I'd never seen a more beautiful and enchanting land.  Then as per me, I started reading.  I read about Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge.  I read about how many people died.  I read stories of bravery and perserverance.  And I wanted to go, for ten years.  It's one of my dreams, and what is life for if not to persue your dreams?  I can't imagine anything more perfect than sharing this with our children. 

Talk about an awesome homeschool fieldtrip, huh?

More details will be shared after the trip (because to tell you the truth, we have a very loose plan at the moment) but our trip starts in Siem Reap.  I'm going to see Angkor Wat in person!  We'll be on the shores of the Tonle Sap Lake.  From there, it's a trip to the capital, Phnom Penh, and hopefully a jaunt down to the coast where I can dip my feet into the Gulf of Thailand. 

I'm just so freaking excited!!!!!

I think this will get me through the next few chemo Thursdays, because I only have a few before we go.  :)

Stuff

I never got around to chatting about my last chemo.  It was uneventful.  My blood pressure was up so the doc asked me to just check it a couple times a week at a drug store.  I had the nurse at my disconnect check it and it was back to normal.  What could it be?  Steroids?  Avastin?  Anxiety?  Who knows. 

The nurse gently suggested that I talk to someone.  I might do that.  I don't know what I'll say.  Most of the time I feel like I'm dealing with all this junk pretty well.  Some days are harder.  We shall see.

Anyhoo, a friend of mine came to stay for a handful of days.  It was so nice having her, and when she left today I cried and it hurt my eye sockets like a banshee (chemo does that to me).  My string of visitors is at an end and I'm kind of sad about that.  While I was wallowing in my sads, I remembered that my next big countdown is a family trip.

Cambodia!!!!!  March.  Me, my family.  Good awesome fun. 

I was all ready to post a huge rant about all the crappy things and feelings I have been having for the past couple of days.  The 2-3 days before chemo are sucktastic, and you almost got to hear about it.  Then I stopped.  I took Reese to her art class.  Eli and I got some snacks and sat outside (because it was in the 60s today, yo).  I looked up at the clouds in the sky.  I remembered something I read recently, that doubts and fears and sadness come from the evil in the world.  Maybe this is hokey, but picture a little devil on my shoulder trying his hardest to make me forget all the good things that are happening in my life.    While I was sitting outside gazing at the clouds, I took a deep breath and realized once again that I am not alone in my struggles.  All I have to do is ask, and I can feel the peace and calm.

So now I have my head on straight.  My priorities have been switched around.  Do I want to go to chemo tomorrow?  Uh.  NO.  But you know what?  I can do all things through God who strengthens me.  And I am relieved because of that.

Did I mention that my next CT scan is scheduled?  January 25th, it is your lucky day!  Whoohooo!

Since I do have chemo tomorrow, I have a few more things to attend to tonight.  After that, I plan to relax with my children and try to stay awake so I can get a big hug and a kiss from my husband. 

Prayers welcome and appreciated!!!

Enjoying Our Weekend

Nana and Poppy are here!  Very much fun for us all.  :)

Farmer's Market Love.

My three favorite people in the whole world. 

Weekend in Dallas!  Isn't it awesome that we can explore downtown and enjoy nature (and some great vegan Vietnamese food) all in the same city?  I love that we can share this with family and friends who visit.