Thursday, October 27, 2011

What was I expecting?

I don't know, a good scan?  Not for me, not today anyway.

We are not talking HUGE growth, but there is growth.  The metastasis that were there are slightly bigger (for example, the biggest one was 1.5 cm x 1.4 cm and is now 2.2cm x 1.9cm).  My liver (and other organs) are clear. 

I cried. 

The doc wants me to start on FOLFOX and Avastin, but not today.  My white count was too low.  So I start the somewhat new stuff next week.  I've had FOLFOX before, but it's been a long time.  The doctor seems confident, or at least was good at faking it, and said if this cocktail doesn't work, there are other drugs.

I didn't want to do FOLFOX again.  The only glimmer of good is that it's been a long time and the last time was right after surgery.  I'm a lot stronger physically now.  Maybe it will be easier.

Stupid cancer.

In other news, I'm going to be referred to a wound/ostomy nurse because I have a fistula.  I can't remember if I mentioned that here, but it's an rectal/vaginal fistula, the kind that would be dripping poop out of my vag if I didn't have an ostomy.  Yet another reason to thank my ostomy?  Definitely.  The fistula isn't bothering me, it's just there.  We'll see what the wound/ostomy nurse has to say.

So next week we'll try for chemo again.  More good news?  If I stay on schedule with chemo until December, I'll be off both for Thanksgiving and for my parents' visit in December.

After the appointment, Eric took me to buy new running shoes.  It made me feel a little better.

When I get these crappy scan results, all I can think of is Eric and the kids.  And what our future might look like.  That's what really makes me cry. 

I came home and played some Mario with Eli, and then herded the kids into the homeschool room to do a little non-media activities.  Reese and Eli force me to concentrate on them, and then I don't think so much about the state of my lungs.  I'm thinking about a run in my new running shoes in a little bit, and since I have another week off chemo, I have a special sewing project to bust out. 

I'm okay in my head, for the most part.  I'm not done yet.  ;)

Now I'm off to think good thoughts and pray.  I'd love it if you did the same.


  1. Sending you lots of love, hugs and prayer too. I'm not a big prayer, but I always say a prayer for you.

  2. Praying, as always. I'm sorry the scans were not everything we hoped for. Okay, FOLFOX, go get 'em!

  3. We continue to think about you guys... Hopefully your new "cocktail" will provide better results.
    Mike S.

  4. Mom said... I was not expecting this kind of news. So I also cried!!! I love you!!! I will keep positive thoughts, and I will keep praying for you and your family. I cannot wait to see you so I can hug you!!! Keep your chin up and press on. Your family is behind you! See you soon!!! Love, Mom

  5. Lots of hugs and prayers. Yay for clear liver and other organs!! Boo for all the other stuff. xo Anje

  6. Sheri... you are a Goddess. By far the strongest woman I have ever known. Prayers and good vibes coming your way.

  7. Clear organs, that is awesome.
    A doctor that won't quit, awesome.
    A very beautiful and strong woman, awesome. Keep up the fight, Sheri.
    The doctor is right, there are many drugs out there that work, but your will to live is stronger than all of them. And prayers, the strongest of all. We love you and Eric and the kids so much. Mom and Dad J

  8. Hugs, prayers, love, good thoughts -- coming your way every day. You are not done!

  9. There aren't any words that seem adequate. Hope, strength,continue,tomorrow,peace,healing, persevere. Courage, amazing are the words that describe a young lady I have known since I first met you in your mother's arms. Beautiful and loving. I pray that the Lord will come and pick you up and sit you on his lap, and wrap His arms around you and hold you close and assure you of healing. That the prayers of all those who love and cherish you will give you peace. My thoughts and prayers continue for you and Eric and your children. Press on, press on. Peace for each day. Love Mary

  10. Sheri, I'm a mom, too, and the hardest part of the fight is thinking about our kids and what our futures mean for them. :( But you've rocked your way through a lot so far, and maybe nasty FOLFOX will shrink those stupid lung mets.

    You are brave and strong, and you will get through this because your kids need you to do it. In the mean time, just collect all the kid hugs you can - lots of positive energy in those. I'm thinking about you and pulling for you.

  11. Still praying - ever and always, without ceasing! Praying for that new cocktail - there is a good feeling surrounding your acceptance of it. I think your aggressive and positive attitude will take you far! In the meantime, enjoy those teachable times with the kids and the loving times with them and Eric. So happy to hear that your folks are coming to TX! Praying for safe travels for them.
    Love, Missy & David

  12. prayers, prayers and more prayers.
    hang in there, Sheri!

  13. My sister is doing a walk for the cancer society tomorrow and she asked if she could add your name to her shirt under "walking in honor of". I hope that's okay.

  14. Tons of amazing thoughts, Sheri. You are always in my thoughts. You are such an awesome person. HUGS! -Sharon.

  15. Dear Niece....I don't write often enough, but I read your blog all the time. And you and the fam are always in my prayers. Just talked to Linda gave her the update and she sends her love, think she will ever learn how to use a computer? Keep fighting you are an inspiration. Love you all. Patti

  16. You, Eric and the kids are always on my mind, in my thoughts and prayers. I pray that you feel God wrap his arms around you, with lots of big hugs that you feel how much He loves you! He is right there with you and won't let you go! I know....
    Aunt Louanne