I don't know, a good scan? Not for me, not today anyway.
We are not talking HUGE growth, but there is growth. The metastasis that were there are slightly bigger (for example, the biggest one was 1.5 cm x 1.4 cm and is now 2.2cm x 1.9cm). My liver (and other organs) are clear.
The doc wants me to start on FOLFOX and Avastin, but not today. My white count was too low. So I start the somewhat new stuff next week. I've had FOLFOX before, but it's been a long time. The doctor seems confident, or at least was good at faking it, and said if this cocktail doesn't work, there are other drugs.
I didn't want to do FOLFOX again. The only glimmer of good is that it's been a long time and the last time was right after surgery. I'm a lot stronger physically now. Maybe it will be easier.
In other news, I'm going to be referred to a wound/ostomy nurse because I have a fistula. I can't remember if I mentioned that here, but it's an rectal/vaginal fistula, the kind that would be dripping poop out of my vag if I didn't have an ostomy. Yet another reason to thank my ostomy? Definitely. The fistula isn't bothering me, it's just there. We'll see what the wound/ostomy nurse has to say.
So next week we'll try for chemo again. More good news? If I stay on schedule with chemo until December, I'll be off both for Thanksgiving and for my parents' visit in December.
After the appointment, Eric took me to buy new running shoes. It made me feel a little better.
When I get these crappy scan results, all I can think of is Eric and the kids. And what our future might look like. That's what really makes me cry.
I came home and played some Mario with Eli, and then herded the kids into the homeschool room to do a little non-media activities. Reese and Eli force me to concentrate on them, and then I don't think so much about the state of my lungs. I'm thinking about a run in my new running shoes in a little bit, and since I have another week off chemo, I have a special sewing project to bust out.
I'm okay in my head, for the most part. I'm not done yet. ;)
Now I'm off to think good thoughts and pray. I'd love it if you did the same.