Friday, October 7, 2011

I'm going to dump

If that's okay with you.  Overall I feel that I'm doing pretty well keeping it together, praying about things that worry me, remembering that I need to ASK for help (that people genuinely want to help and I'm not bothering anyone).

This morning is going smoothly.  Kids are dressed, I'm dressed, the garbage is out, laundry is started (even the sheets, man, even the sheets), I have a plan for the day...I should be thrilled about this.  On the way out to drop off the garbage, a thought popped into my head.  I'm not going to be able to do all this once I start chemo again.  Because it's true.  I already know I can't.  So I'm kind of dreading seeing my new oncologist on Monday because of course, he's going to tell me that I have to start chemo.  What a jerk, huh?  Ugh.

I want so badly to look after my family MYSELF.  It sucks that cancer keeps me from that.

Right now I feel overwhelmed and chemo hasn't even started.  Part of it is the mess that this apartment still is.  Eric will be home for good today, and I know he'll help me get the last things in order.  And help me figure out how/where to store my canned goods.  And we'll get more into a routine and the kids will take over the chores we've slacked on over the summer.  I know it will be fine.  It will be good.

I just feel so GOOD right now.  No appts, no's so awesome.  Thinking about going back to that makes me depressed.

All right, enough of this.  I have children to educate and some things to do before our exciting trip to the airport.

Pray for me.  Please. 

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