I have a couple pregnant friends, and this weekend I think I could really relate to their experiences with morning sickness. Blech. Eric asked me if my nausea was worse than normal, but I think the issue was my month off. I'm sure the roast I threw in the crockpot in an attempt to care for and feed my family didn't help. The whole apartment smelled like meat for two days. Double Blech. Oh well, you live, you learn, right?
One of the things I struggle with on chemo weekends is sliding down into the dark. Feeling sorry for myself. Getting grumpy. Woe is me. Two things helped me this past weekend. Thing #1: Eric, the kids, and I took a walk on Saturday afternoon. Fresh air was a plus, but getting outside reminded me that the world is bigger than me. As we walked by the lake, I was able to get past myself and think about the beauty of the evening, the birds, the water. It was nice.
Thing #2: Reese and I walked down the street to a new church on Sunday. The sermon was about joy. Finding joy in life even when going through difficult circumstances. If Paul, locked up in jail, could find joy, I think I can too. It's not easy, and I hope, reader, that you don't think I'm preaching to you. Everyone is in a different place. I did sad, I did angry, and sometimes I still feel those things. For me, it's time to move on. I have so many things that I'm thankful for, so many things that bring me joy. Part of fighting, for me, is finding joy. I'm tough, I don't have to wallow in the dark when I have a choice to find light.
I was still dragging on Monday, but this morning I feel much better. I'm going to try to get out and run today.
Thank you for all the prayers and thoughts over the past couple weeks. Change is hard for me, but it was all a lot easier knowing that people were thinking about me.
Have a great week!!!