C'mon, fess up. Who among you hoped and prayed for a gross ostomy story from me someday? You know you want it.
In the event that you really don't want it, you might want to skip this post. I'm just sayin'.
So. I have a colonoscopy on Thursday. The Stomach Doctor does things a little differently than my surgeon, and one of the things I had to do to prep was take 4 Dulcolax tabs last night. I'm all, yeah, whatever. I took them around 9pm and went to sleep around 11pm. I woke up at about 2am with the worst gut cramps ever. I mean, that I've had in a long time. Then my ostomy started outputting.
At first it was the mashy stuff I ususally get. Okay, not a big deal. THEN it got more liquidy and disgusting, filling up the pouch really fast. It's a good thing I didn't fall back to sleep at any point while this was happening or I would have had a collossal mess. At one point (gross, gross!!!!) I couldn't get my pouch snapped back on the wafer and poop was just pouring out. Don't worry about the cleanliness of my bathroom floor, I have really good pooping aim. So I'm standing in the bathroom at 3am and it was a poop nightmare. Ugh.
It eventually slowed way down and I was able to clean up and go back to bed. But geez. I had no idea THAT would happen. I'm not sure what I thought would happen, but it wasn't that. Stupid laxatives. Do you think that because I don't eat a Standard American Diet (ie...I eat lots of beans and veggies, not a whole ton of crap) the laxatives worked super super well? Or had an easier time working? I don't know, but man, it was crazy.
Most of the time I actually like my ostomy. It cuts the bathroom time way down. But in the event that ridiculous amounts of poop come out, it's kind of sucky. I should take a picture of the pouch I'll be using for the real part of the colon prep.
Anyway, it was probably way more gross of a story if you were actually there with me.
Expect an update about colon prep, and of course the results of the colonoscopy!