So I called a wound care clinic and talked to a receptionist. She was very nice, and when I explained that I'd like an appointment within the next day or two because I suspect there's gauze stuck up in my butt, she was all, "Oh bless your heart!" Awwww. People in the south are so nice.
Anyhoo. I'm waiting for a call and hopefully I'll get in today because, and this is pretty gross, the wound is more juicy than normal. So I think the mystery gauze is in there somewhere. Sad face. :(