I've felt off all week. Restless, anxious, nervous, sad. Scanxiety at its finest, ladies and gentlemen. It hovers like a cloud and whispers worries and threats into my ears. It forces me to deal with feelings about having cancer and about life. It's uncomfortable and very much unwanted. It leaks out into relationships, parenting, and hobbies. Maybe describing it will make it go away?
Worrying won't change my scan results. It won't take my cancer away. The logical me knows this. Why can't the emotional me get on board?
Sigh. Scan is Wednesday.