Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Ugh

I'm still struggling, emotionally, with my latest scan results.  And probably starting back on chemo after having an awesome month off.  I find myself wound up, restless, weepy, frustrated.  Hopeful though.  Trying to do the day-to-day stuff, but it's a challenge.  I don't know.

Now that the Big Trip is over, what's the next goal?  I have a hard time thinking too far into the future because it's all so unsure to me.  What *do* I want for the next few years?

To continue to homeschool my children and spend time with them.
To visit/meet friends all over the US
To go to the beach, more than once
To take care of Eric

I teared up at that last one, which hurts like a banshee in my eyeballs (it's a chemo thing).

So what do you do when you just don't know?  None of us has infinite time, none of us knows the day when we'll have to say goodbye.  Live in the now, right?  I think I can do that.

Forgive me for sounding kind of depressing.  It's a real drag to be told that your tumors are growing.  I'll shake it off.  I'm finding support in all kinds of places, and I made a promise to myself that I'm going to do more self-care (ie KNIT NIGHT!! haha). 

Anyhoo, that's where my head is today.  Please pray for me. 

4 comments:

  1. We are praying for you daughter and will continue to pray! Your Dad and I love you soooo much! God loves you! You are in our thoughts every day. I praise God for the month you had off of Chemo. You really needed a break. We are excited about seeing you in July! You have the right attitude to live in the now! Love you, Mom and Dad

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  2. Hi Sheri!

    I have been reading your blog for some time now, all the way from Sweden :)
    You are a woman to admire!!! Just wanted you to know that someone "far out there" is praying for you too.
    And Sheri, "Once you choose hope, anything's possible", remember that. Hugs from Grete

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  4. Hi!
    I have been following your blog for awhile. I am a 30 year old stage 3c rectal cancer patient. Your post made me tear up a bit as I too have a family. (A toddler and husband) I often worry about them.
    I know from experience there is not much I can say that can take the pain away. I just want you to know that I pray for your often. Please keep fighting for your family and know that you have complete strangers in your corner, cheering you on.
    Sending a virtual hug,
    Kim

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