Ugh

I'm still struggling, emotionally, with my latest scan results.  And probably starting back on chemo after having an awesome month off.  I find myself wound up, restless, weepy, frustrated.  Hopeful though.  Trying to do the day-to-day stuff, but it's a challenge.  I don't know.

Now that the Big Trip is over, what's the next goal?  I have a hard time thinking too far into the future because it's all so unsure to me.  What *do* I want for the next few years?

To continue to homeschool my children and spend time with them.
To visit/meet friends all over the US
To go to the beach, more than once
To take care of Eric

I teared up at that last one, which hurts like a banshee in my eyeballs (it's a chemo thing).

So what do you do when you just don't know?  None of us has infinite time, none of us knows the day when we'll have to say goodbye.  Live in the now, right?  I think I can do that.

Forgive me for sounding kind of depressing.  It's a real drag to be told that your tumors are growing.  I'll shake it off.  I'm finding support in all kinds of places, and I made a promise to myself that I'm going to do more self-care (ie KNIT NIGHT!! haha). 

Anyhoo, that's where my head is today.  Please pray for me.